Are you masking your true self?
Halloween is round the corner, encouraging people to get crazily creative and don wacky masks and costumes for the night. It gives you an excuse to temporarily escape to a world of fantasy, leaving behind your true self. The thrill and the fun associated with hiding behind a mask is both intriguing and irresistible to many. And while the masks come off as quickly at the end off the night, this is not always the case with people. Here's taking a look at both the pros and cons of wearing a mask in marriages.
Why do people hide behind a mask?
Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany says, 'People do wear masks in marriages, but it happens at the initial stage, when both are trying to understand each other, and make a positive impression. These masks are often worn to hide our weaknesses, as couples don't want to risk losing the one they love because of them.'
Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria adds, 'A relationship involves a close bond between two people. This bond develops out of knowing your partner with all their strengths, vulnerabilities, fears, desires. However, having such a 'bare- all' relationship may be a difficult task for many especially if they are not comfortable with their own personas. This discomfort can push one to adopt a different garb, a more socially acceptable or self protecting personality in order to conceal their true wishes and desires. This masking behaviour can be a result of several factors such as embarrassment of accepting oneself, fear of judgment from the partner or society, a need to have your own space for your secret desires and so on. The person may conceal information to not hurt the partner's feelings.' (Read: )
Weighing the pros and cons
Communication: Sometimes wearing the mask, may save you from communicating things that are really not required to communicate or things that can hurt your partner. However, it can soon become a habit. Wearing the mask and not communicating everything can lead to having no transparency in a marriage.
Withholding information: Sometimes wearing this mask is for your spouse's benefit, not telling him/her your huge credit card bill, because he has business pressure at the moment. From your end, you are trying to avoid arguments, hence you wear the mask, and pretend as if nothing has happened. While the intentions may be right, if you don't divulge the information at the right time, a more disastrous event can happen and will only create more misunderstandings.
Sexual desires: You wear a mask and don't let your kinky self out. This is very natural as you don't want your spouse to feel that you are desperate. Many women wear these masks, as they are told not to express themselves openly. This can be a boon, because it's good to guess each other's desires. However, it becomes a con, when one is not ready to shed the mask. As a result both can be left feeling extremely dissatisfied in the marriage. (Read: )
Why it's necessary to drop the masks?
Anjali says, "Masking' for benign matters or almost every time is not a good idea. With respect to issues that can cause disappointment and conflict in the relationship, withholding or concealing can make matters worse and one can end up hurting one's partner. He/she may feel betrayed. Thus, hiding information because of the fear of conflict may also be unhealthy for the relationship. Even if one feels that one's partner cannot handle or appreciate the information trusting your partner enough to take that risk is important for the relationship.' (Read: )
